Scott Glenn Doesn't Call 911
Similar to most destination ski resorts, Sun Valley, Idaho holds its own on resident celebrities. Forget the A-list and flash in the pan, twerking millennials, and direct your life preserving attention towards concealed weapon permit carrying, supporting actors who will cast away your Entertainment Tonight admiration with a sweeping left hand motion and generously enter two rounds of copper backed lead to your center mass and finish the encounter with one to the head.
Got your social networking attention yet? Need some late 80s/early 90s cinematic recollection? Remember Commander Bart Mancuso, ala The Hunt for Red October; perhaps Special Agent Jack Crawford in The Silence of the Lambs….that’s right....Scott Glenn….you heard me….SCOTT GLENN, and this pipe hittin’ cracker has his power bills delivered to the 83340 who will push back your misguided encounter and shove a small caliber, yet effective sidearm into your midsection. For those not familiar with Idaho Code Section 18-3302, this enables Mr. Glenn with not only countless means of self-defense, but every God given right to personally introduce you to your late, questionably American-minded ancestors, residing on the practice squad in red state Heaven.
Want to let Mr. Glenn know how you’ve seen all his movies? Want to tell him how you rocked the Urban Cowboy mesh shirt in your 1981 senior photos? I get it, “He’s not Ashton Kutcher”….so you’re thinking, “He’s approachable, and will dig my antiquated knowledge-based Hollywood appreciation.” Take a deep breath Bronco. Count to ten before your family and close friends enter the forgettable world of obituary land where your legally based Idaho death backfills the latter pages of your hometown weekly newspaper.
So….you’re at your first Sun Valley Film Festival after party in the cavernous Limelight Room. Mr. Glenn is twenty feet away, delivering a sleeper hold to his agent who recommended “Backdraft,” while his date appreciably holds his Wild Turkey….neat. Now, the moment of truth.
- Keep your hands exposed and in front of you
- Make eye contact
- Approach with no hesitation
- Extend your hand in greet, introduce yourself
- REMEMBER….you’re a man, so is he but more so
After that…..all bets are off. You’re on your own. I really don’t know what will happen or come of you. I’ve armed you with the best I have. As Dennis Hopper famously stated, "Scott Glenn...he'll steal your line, and then your woman." See you at the movies.