Hailey, ID-- Late Friday night, in what officials are calling a significant national event, Blaine County Sheriff Gene Ramsey and a group of 30 heavily-armed deputies raided the local chapter of the Idaho Society of Independent Seamstresses. Authorities claim the homegrown radical Islamists brazenly displayed their affiliation with ISIS on clothing and pillows usually done with intricate macramé patterns leading them to believe this sleeper cell has been together for quite some time.
“I’ll be goddamned if I'm gonna let a bunch of terrorists congregate in my county.” said Sheriff Ramsey. “When I see a group of people trying to destroy this great nation, I shoot the bastards. That’s my policy.”
The raid, tipped off by a flyer recruiting new membership in the Thrifty Nickel, transpired without return fire. It’s unclear at this time what exactly the local ISIS chapter was planning, but the operation reportedly yielded an enormous amount of circumstantial evidence.
“There was yarn and sewing paraphernalia everywhere. I figure they were making prayer mats and burkas, probably bomb vests, too.” stated Ramsey. “We haven’t found any yet but we just started looking.” Ramsey concluded, “Have fun in Guantanamo, ladies.”