On April Fool’s day, a local prankster created an elaborate mock-up in memory of the old ‘Ketchum Cruiser’ program from the late 90’s which provided bright green bikes around town to encourage the use of eco-friendly transportation. The program, however, was eventually halted when it was discovered that the bikes were primarily being used for late night travel between the Casino and various coke dealer's apartments. While some supporters still considered this an environmental success story by enabling local drunks to reduce their drug-buying carbon footprint, it simply wasn’t enough to justify the ongoing maintenance/replacement costs and the program eventually disappeared.
Fast forward over 15 years to April 1, 2015, a day that will live in Valley infamy, the Ketchum Cruiser program was resurrected with a twist. Bright green walkers had been placed throughout town with an attached article and link to a website explaining the joke. While the vast majority of people appreciated the prank for what it was (satirical social commentary regarding Ketchum’s long declining youthful demographic) some mentally disabled residents simply did not get the joke.
The angry dissenters, who sadly lack the chromosome responsible for humor and critical thinking, took to the streets and various social media outlets to vent their totally misguided emotions.
“This is an outrage!” shouted local realtor Abe Frohman who sports a highly manicured cock-target style goatee. “These bastards need a punch right in the windpipe!!”
"You sons of bitches might think think this all fun and games." said professional push-up counter and squat-thrust enthusiast Phil Binge. "Maybe I’d think it was funny too if I hadn't been savagely beaten and raped by a roving gang of quadriplegic Boy Scouts. Bet you assholes didn’t take that into consideration, did ya now?” Regarding the alleged assault, Binge added, “I’d like to say that it all happened so fast but it simply didn’t.”
Conversely, a wheelchair bound Jeffrey Lebowski of Los
Angeles offered words of encouragement and inspiration after encountering a cruiser, “I didn’t blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea. But I went out and achieved anyway!!”
At press time, all Ketchum Cruiser walkers have been gathered by Parks and Rec and taken to Atkinsons Park to be
used by children learning to ice skate next winter. The anti-humorists commentary seems to have receded, most likely because they became distracted by a dog with a puffy tail and have forgotten the incident altogether.