SCOTTeVEST Song Parody Damn Near Constitutes Hate Crime

March 30, 2015

         

           

             The United Nations Security Council voted unanimously this morning to refer a video created by SCOTTeVEST to the International Criminal Court in Geneva under Sections 4, 7 and 11 of the Geneva Convention regarding inhumane treatment of POW's, Torture, Extreme Retardation and Acceptable Limits of Awkwardness. This marks the first time in the UN's 70 year history that a civilian has been accused of crimes against humanity.

         

              The legal actions stem from a video released in December 2012 which allegedly shows SCOTTeVEST's poodle-stroking CEO Scott Jordan and 3 employees/hostages dancing and singing along to the popular rap-star parody I'm on a Boat by hip-hop group The Lonely Island feat. Andy Samberg & T-Pain.

           

           Jordan, possibly in the midst of a stage 3 manic episode, is seen throughout the video spastically flailing his arms while marching to and fro, pounding the boat deck with a telescoping rope gaff and making numerous unsuccessful attempts to start a Conga line and perform a "high five". Also prominently featured in the craptastical mash up is SCOTTeVEST's in-house graphic designer, who was clearly on a mix of drugs typically given to Liberian Child Soldiers and/or kicked in the head by a donkey.

 

         The last person to be considered by the UNSC for prosecution by the ICC, Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad, his voice wavering, commented, “Using chemical weapons to attack one’s own citizenry? Fine. This video? Deplorable.” He then bowed his head and began to weep silently.

 

           "Words simply cannot express how awful it is." said UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon after viewing the 4 minute video. "You know those times when you feel really embarrassed for someone else? Like if you saw a cheerleader shit her pants on live TV or maybe an old man's balls hanging out of his shorts at a fancy brunch?" Ki-moon paused, "It was like that times a million."

       

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