Ketchum Mayor Nina Jonas Seeks Second Term: Promises Transparency, Accountability, Shitty Bridge Art

October 30, 2017

 

Ron Challis from the Marten Stuffer sat down for an interview with Ketchum Mayor Nina Jonas (pictured unveiling a 'Wishing Tree' that people could use to send 'sentiments' out into the 'Cosmos' during the 'eclipse')

 

Mayor Jonas, thanks for taking the time to chat with us. I must admit, this is the closest I’ve ever been to an elected official and it’s simply exhilarating.

 

Thanks, Ron. I also must admit, this is the closest I’ve ever been to a registered sex offender so we’re both on new ground.

 

That’s a perfect segue into my first question which has to do with your executive power to pardon. How do I apply?

 

As Mayor, I actually don’t have the power to grant pardons. I believe your best bet will be with Governor Butch Otter.

 

When I hear someone say ‘Butch Otter’, I picture a dikey varmint with a tight cropped mullet, wearing a pantsuit, hitting range balls. So, you have no ability to pardon….. This is turning out to be a big waste of my time.

 

I’d be happy to talk to you about my accomplishments as Mayor and what I hope to achieve during my next term in office.

 

Please don’t take this the wrong way but I’d rather get kicked in the nuts by a goddam draft horse than listen to your political spiel. You were born here, you really really really love the town, we got it.

 

I’m sorry, I assumed you wanted to interview me about the upcoming election?

 

I’m just having a hard time getting over the pardon thing. I was really counting on it. Moving on, I’d like to discuss a very serious issue.

 

Yes, absolutely.

 

My dentist is constantly calling, texting and emailing me about how I need to schedule my next teeth cleaning. Sometimes they’ll straight ambush my ass by calling from random numbers, I could go on and on, it’s crazy. What can you, from a policy standpoint, do to address my dentist’s aggressive marketing techniques?

 

Unfortunately, there’s nothing we at City Hall can do to help you with your dental problems. I recommend that you ask them, in a respectful tone, to please not contact you as frequently and that you will schedule an appointment when you are ready.

 

Let’s talk about your opponent Neil Bradshaw. His campaign slogan “Respect the Cock!” has been called offensive by many.

 

I’ve never heard Mr. Bradshaw use that slogan.

 

Whoops, my bad! I was looking at notes from a Father’s Rights advocacy group that I co-chair. Let’s just say that WAS his campaign slogan, it would be highly offensive, no?

 

Have you been drinking?

 

I had a couple chardonnays with lunch. You’ve accused your opponent of being a ‘secret Muslim’ who should “take his black ass back to Africa”. Are these racially charged divisive messages what our community needs right now?

 

I never said any of those things.

 

Could we just pretend you said those things? This interview’s been awful and I’m trying to spice it up a bit. While we’re in the trust tree, I’d like your opinion on a personal matter. Should I see a doctor about this?

 

Pull your pants up or I’m calling the police.

 

Don’t make this weird, Nina. Just tell me if I should go see a doctor about this.

 

Yes, you should definitely let a doctor check that out.

 

Yeah, I think you’re right. It’s itchy as fuck. Mayor Jonas, I want to thank you for taking the time for this interview and best of luck in the upcoming election!


 

Please reload

Recent Posts

  • Wix Facebook page
  • Wix Twitter page
  • Wix Google+ page
Please reload