Blaine Sheriff Reports 800% Increase in Female on Male Assault During 'White Claw Season'

Blaine County Sheriff Steve Harkins held a press conference Monday morning to address a troubling trend of 'she on he' assault and battery reports in the Wood River valley during the summer months or what Harkins refers to as 'White Claw season'.

"We need to warn valley residents, in particular our female residents, that drinking White Claw to excess can lead to very serious negative side effects. While having 1 or 2 Claws is no reason for alarm, consuming 4 or more Claws can get you all Claw'd up and that's where the trouble begins." Harkins continued, "The behavior of someone who has fallen into a Claw hole often includes extreme levels of sass, aggression, laughing, crying, fiestiness, temper tantrums and pouting before ultimately turning to physical violence."

A man who asked to remain anonymous was one of the most recent victims of a White Claw induced attack last Saturday at the Chinook Bay campground at Redfish Lake. "It was just another awesome day at the lake with great friends until late afternoon. Next thing you know, I'm on my way to the ER and my wife's being hauled off to jail kicking and screaming wearing nothing but a cheeky bikini and a trucker hat." The unidentified man concluded, "I'm not pressing any charges, that Claw just gets a hold of her sometimes."

***County crime records show a similar spike in 'her on him' assaults for a brief period in the summer of 1993 when the Coors brewing company introduced a clear malt liquor beverage called 'Zima' ***