Drug-Addled Cat Driver Builds Giant Mormon Snow Temple

February 20, 2015

  By Fairfield/ Lemhi     

       

          Sun Valley, ID---  Dollar Mountain ski patrol arrived as usual at 6:30 Tuesday morning to discover something that was anything but usual. The super-pipe had disappeared and in its place stood an enormous Mormon snow temple.

        

       The snowcat driver responsible for the monumental erection, Ted Stillman, confessed to patrollers that he'd taken '4 or 5 peyote buttons' at the beginning of his shift and that his trip had taken an unexpected turn.....This would be no average Monday night psychedelic slope grooming adventure.

     

        Stillman claimed he was "tripping balls" and had visions of the Prophet Joseph Smith who instructed him to convert to Mormonism and create a holy ice temple of humongous proportions. Not being the kinda guy to disobey orders from a ghost while out of his mind on drugs, he proceeded to demolish the pipe and then use the icy debris to construct a giant LDS snow shrine.

       

        News of the event spread quickly throughout the region and hundreds of thousands of Mormon faithful are reported to be travelling to Sun Valley to behold what is being hailed as a ‘holy miracle’ and ‘sign of the Second Coming’.

          

        Dale Teague, a life long bro and roommate of Stillman, was visibly shaken when reached for comment. "This' pretty much been the worst day of my life. The super-pipes' thrashed and Ted ran off with some weird-ass cult that believes Jesus was from Missouri." Teague continued, "not to mention, that asshole still owes me a shitload of money."

       

      Stillman could not be reached for comment and is rumored to have embarked on a worldwide Mormon proselytizing mission to spread the gospel of a 19th century con man who invented this bastardized version of Christianity to get rich and fuck his friends wives.


 

Please reload

Recent Posts

  • Wix Facebook page
  • Wix Twitter page
  • Wix Google+ page
Please reload