LunchBOX Announces Plan to Shave Carbon Footprint

Boise, ID-- Idaho based waxing salon chain LunchBox has announced plans to donate all trimmings in an effort to reduce its environmental impact. Debi Lane, founder and CEO of the company, hosted a press conference and stated “the LunchBOX franchise is growing rapidly and with this expansion comes great responsibility. We are committed to do everything we can to Reduce, Reuse, Recycle." Ms Lane continued, "An average day at a LunchBOX salon yields about 7 to 10 lawn n’ leaf bags of bush trimmings destined either for the landfill or a dumpster diving pervert's basement. With all of our locations combined, this annually amounts to a pile of pubes roughly the size of Mt. Hood.”

Many wonder, what could you possibly do with all of that crotch sculpting by-product? It turns out the uses are virtually endless. These are some of the examples listed on the LunchBOX website:

• Hamster Bedding

• Climbing skins

• Bonsai tree mulch

• Decorative garnish

• Build-a-Bear stuffing

• Cancer wigs/mustaches

• Oil spill remediation

• Felting projects

• Fly Tying (woolly bugger and stimulator patterns)

• Commercial/residential insulation (R-65)

• Confetti

• Studio soundproofing

LunchBOX is being hailed by area politicians as a fine example of Gem State entrepreneurship. Governor Butch Otter offered praise to the company via written statement: "Although I believe global warming is God's way of punishing us for Obamacare, I applaud LunchBOX's efforts to keep the nation's beavers bare or, at the very least, shaped like a nice little landing strip."