Valley White Stress at All Time High
The Wood River Valley is currently experiencing levels of ‘White Stress’ not seen since July of 2003 after a Steely Dan concert was unexpectedly canceled. The cause of the recent spike in discomfort appears to stem from a combination of factors including: weather, private school tuition increases and inconsistent availability of organic kale.
Summer fires coupled with minimal winter snowpack over the last 3 years have taken their toll on much of the Valley’s entitled population. “I only managed to ski 26 days this season.” said Ketchum resident and full time exerciser Sandy Ball. “On top of that, my Audi’s been recalled and Monday ‘hot yoga’ got moved to Tuesday.” Ball concluded, “Well, I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
A survey was conducted with a sample group of 700 Valley residents with virtually zero self-awareness and/or perspective of their overall quality of life compared to anywhere else on the planet. Listed below are the results of the anonymous participants biggest worries:
21% Trouble finding parking for 2 weeks a year
13% Choosing Kauai or Indonesia for surf vacation
9% Convincing doctor to refill Xanax prescription
34% Not enough coffee shops or Thai restaurants
11% Whether to put carbon wheels on new 27.5” MTB
12% Favorite Shamanistic Healer moving back to Taos
Area Life Coach Fritz Gooding stated, “You need to understand, the stress and anxiety many Valley residents suffer from is real.” Gooding continued, “It's all relative. For example, just because millions of people throughout the world primarily worry about war, famine and infectious diseases, one shouldn't discount the emotional turmoil associated with the occasional difficulty of finding a babysitter for an upcoming Michael Franti concert or Alpen-themed costume party.” Gooding offered up a high five and concluded with a smile, "Mo money, Mo problems. Am I right?"