Smith Departure Leaves Valley Broconomy in Shambles
Citing key economic indicators, Blaine County Economic Center Director Calvin LaSalle expressed "serious concern" about the valley's broconomy at a press conference on Friday. Held in Conifer Room B of the Wood River Inn, the emergency conference was called as Mr. LaSalle reportedly discovered alarming supply and demand shifts following the exodus of longtime Wood River Valley employer, Smith Optics.
LaSalle stated, “Smith’s move to Portland has clearly touched the wallets, money clips and wadded up $20's of bros everywhere.” LaSalle continued, "What we’re now seeing is a classic fallout within the bro community resulting from a cataclysmic shift in supply and demand. We currently have an acute surplus in eyewear as prices have nearly tripled, a sudden shortage of comically oversized trucker hats and an unprecedented drop in weed sales.” LaSalle concluded, “It's appears that Smith supported the entire broconomy with free gear which was then used for barter or sold on eBay."
Valley sporting goods retailer Olin Glenne commented, "It's a big hit for the community and Smith will be missed. That being said, we're excited to actually SELL some goggles now instead of being a dirt bag demo location."
Ketchum-based marijuana importer Devin Toobe reported a near-complete halt to sales and a resulting inventory overflow. "Look, I can't count it, but, I've got, like, a ton of it. Bottom line: it's a lot of weed and I can't troll the skate park or middle school playground 24 hours a day." Toobe concluded, "If the Kenny Loggins show doesn't sell out, I'm totally fucked."
Other area businesses expressed similar concerns. Ketchum Liquor Emporium manager Clyde Sanders primarily blames the departure of Smith’s executive team for “a drop in vodka sales that hadn't been seen since Coors Brewing Company released the clear, lightly carbonated beverage, ‘Zima’.”
The ripples, however, didn't stop with area booze and weed purveyors. Numerous retailers around the valley are reporting significantly slow sales in lycra shorts, hair product and tight flannel shirts designed specifically to be worn ‘untucked’. Board Bin owner and Ketchum city councilman Jim Slanetz noted the drastic change in the areas Smith tee-shirt wearing ratio from the traditional 1 in 1 to now over 1 in 10, stating, "Its almost as if they were never here."