Freeskier Provides Compelling Evidence That Marijuana Dangerous, Should Be Illegal
A recent High Times interview with freeskier legend and single cell organism, Tanner Hall, has totally destroyed the decades long effort to bring marijuana into mainstream acceptance. The National Organization for the Reformation of Marijuana Laws, a non-profit group better known as NORML, has issued a statement regarding the video:
"After watching Mr. Hall's interview, first and foremost, we need to apologize. Everything we've ever believed in was a lie. In response to this atrocity, our board has unanimously decided to change our organization's mission. NORML will now fight tirelessly, passionately, day and night, to keep marijuana illegal and we pray to God that no one else will have to suffer this man's fate."
Many other staunch supporters of cannabis legalization have changed their stance after witnessing Hall's attempt to speak in complete sentences. Seth Rogen, a notorious pot smoker famous for weed-centric movies like Pineapple Express, has reportedly flushed his enormous stash down the toilet. Dr. Mehmet Oz, a long time advocate for compassionate medical marijuana laws, was visibly shaken after seeing Hall's interview and stated, "Holy shit. I don't care how much goddam pain someone's in, it's clearly not worth the risk."
Oakley, Hall's biggest sponsor, is already receiving an enormous amount of negative publicity regarding the video and is in full damage control mode. A company spokesman wearing a pair of neon green high performance mirrored Blades stated, "This is deeply troubling to all of us here at the Oakley family. We obviously pride ourselves on our corporate image." The spokesman continued, "Please accept our sincere apology as we're deeply embarrased by this incident as well the obvious failure of our company's dental plan."