SCOTTeVEST CEO Unable to Locate Wallet, Keys

Founder and CEO of technical bird watcher clothing company SCOTTeVEST is reportedly unable to locate a number of valuable items.

"I know they're in here, goddamit." said Jordan while frantically ripping through pocket after pocket.

At press time, Jordan had managed to recover a mini-Snickers bar, ticket stub from the Captain & Tenille concert at River Run last summer and a lambskin condom wrapper but unfortunately no keys, wallet or shred of dignity.