Ketchum Mayor Wins Over 5G Opponents With Ultra High-Def Porn Streaming Demonstration


Ketchum Mayor Neil Bradshaw hosted a meeting this afternoon to address the growing concerns of some valley residents who oppose 5G technology coming to the area. "While there may be potential unknown health risks associated with this new technology, there is one thing that is absolutely certain: we will have a significant increase in the quality of porn viewing on our mobile devices." Bradshaw continued with a brief video demonstration, "Here's an example of your standard, medium resolution POV DP BBC 'stepsister' themed internet pornography. So, yes, it's fine and will certainly get the job done. Now behold that same video in stunning 4K and I don't think there's anything left to discuss." Bradshaw concluded, "This is a game changer."

          Not all in attendance were swayed by Bradshaw's presentation. Longtime Ketchum resident and avid complainer Krusty Whiteman rebutted, "This 5G is a bunch of malarky. I've been beating off my whole life to good old fashioned nudie books and they work just fine." Whiteman held aloft what appeared to be a rumpled black and white vintage pin-up girl poster from the 1930's. "This here will keep me going for days, if not weeks!"

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